Sending your child to college is an important milestone, not only in their lives but in yours as well. For the past 18 years, you’ve been deeply invested in their daily life, ensuring their homework is done, they’re home safe at night, and their needs are met. You’ve been right by their side, ready to assist whenever necessary. Now, as they step into this new chapter, you must take a more hands-off approach, and the thought inevitably crosses your mind: Have you taught them everything they need to know?
What is truly remarkable about sending your kids off to college is that they often manage just fine. Yes, they may stumble occasionally. They might call with bizarre questions, seeking guidance on matters that seem trivial or perplexing to you. But, for the most part, they navigate this new world successfully, thanks to the foundation you’ve laid.
Just Listen
During their first year at school, they may struggle with various aspects—grades, a new cafeteria diet, making friends, and finding their community on campus. I’m sure you would love to fix every problem they bring to you, but all they really need is someone to listen to them in these moments. Remind them that they are capable and intelligent and can figure out these challenges on their own. Also, ask what they would like you to do. This approach helps them learn to communicate their needs effectively and prevents you from overstepping. For example, if they grow tired of cafeteria food, you might offer to bring snacks, take them out for a meal during visits or send homemade dishes.
Separation Anxiety
One of the hardest adjustments will be not seeing or hearing from them every day. This separation is often more challenging for you than it is for them. Each child is different: Some will call multiple times a day, while others might check in every other week. It’s important to give them space and trust that they will reach out when they need to. Let them know when you are available so they can call you. Ask them about their preferred method of communication. Perhaps a group text or a weekly Zoom call can keep the family connected, especially if you have a large family spread out geographically. Remind them that you don’t need to know everything, but you would like to stay informed.
When your child does come home, remember that they are still full-time students. They will have papers to write, projects to complete, and tests to study for. They should be able to prioritize their work and make time for some family events, but it might require some flexibility.
Focus on you
As they embark on this new journey, it’s also time for you to focus on yourself. With this extra time, especially if this is your last or only child, you can rediscover old hobbies, start new ones, reach out to friends in similar situations, tackle home projects you’ve been putting off, or simply enjoy the quieter house. These changes are bittersweet but offer benefits too—fewer after-school activities to attend, fewer dinner debates and fewer chores. Embrace these changes as opportunities for personal growth and self-care.
Trust
Remember, your child is spreading their wings like never before. Trust that all the lessons you’ve shared are embedded in their minds. Whether they listened to you or not, your voice will be in the back of their head helping them navigate each challenge. As they move on to the next chapter of their lives, it’s also your time to transition to a new chapter of your own. Embrace it with confidence, knowing that you’ve equipped them well for the journey ahead.
For more information, see Page 25 of the UIS Guidebook or the Parent and Family Resources Page.